they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
