..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
