I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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