his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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