I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
