She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
