I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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