I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Say something about gay babies.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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