U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
