Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
