DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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