I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
