That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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