so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
