the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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