Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
And then he peed in my hair
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