Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm both gender and math confused
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
