Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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