Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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