remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
