We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
