I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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