I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
