you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just want to make out with him forever
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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