Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
3pm strippers are depressing
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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