yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
