I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.