I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.