Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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