do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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