why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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