i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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