Welp...herpes.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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