Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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