i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
