Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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