i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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