she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
