when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
