3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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