please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
