Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize