just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I could fuck to npr.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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