1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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