Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
