I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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