the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
