too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
