I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
