Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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