i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
