Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
