I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
