If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
