hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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