Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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