The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
