Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
