I think i peed on brittanys purse
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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