PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
