Say something about gay babies.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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