Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
