Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
