I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Can I color on your dick again?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
