i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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