Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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