I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
