Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
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