i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
