Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
you made out with another girl for some wings
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
