Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Randomize
