girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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