dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
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I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
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Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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