Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
