Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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