And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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