We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize